Chances are your mother smoked and drank when she carried you.
She didn’t take vitamins, or go to birthing lessons, or listen to “how to be a good mother” podcasts.
She did take heaps of aspirin, and ate tuna from a can, and was never tested for diabetes.
Your crib was decorated with bright coloured lead-based paints.
There were no child-proof lids on medicine bottles, doors, cabinets or cleaning detergents.There was no fence around your swimming pool.
There was no “how to do CPR” sign at the public swimming pool.
And you rode in a car with no baby seat, seat belts or air bags (because they didn’t exist).
You played with marbles when you were three.
You gulped water from the garden hose when you were four (not a $3 bottle of water).
You shared one Coke with four friends when you were eight, from one bottle (many times).
And you had a pet rat who you shared your bed with at night.
You did twist off Barbies head when you were seven.
You did own a cap gun when you were ten.
And you did own a pellet gun when you were a thirteen.
You built go-carts and plummeted down the driveway at insane speeds.
You rode your bicycle without ever wearing a helmet (because they didn’t exist).
You played in the neighbourhood all day, and only needed to be back home by the time the streetlights came on.
… COUNT YOUR LUCKY FUCKING STARS THAT YOU ARE STILL ALIVE TODAY!