I want to share some more reflections on my personal experience from being on Married at First Sight, the most watched TV show in Australia (my season reached 14.2 million people across Total TV).
How ‘real’ is MAFS, Richard?
MAFS is a reality TV show, and one of the most common questions I get asked is, “How real is it really?!” (by friends and strangers on the street). It’s a fascinating question, because people want to know if what they saw was ‘the truth’, or not; whatever ‘the truth’ is.
1.5% of what was filmed of me made it to the final cut
I estimate that I was filmed and recorded for a total of 200 hours over the 12 weeks of filming. I also estimate that my total airtime (out of all 38 episodes and given that there are 24 participants) at 3 hours.
In other words, 1.5% of what was filmed of me (and everyone else) made it to the final cut. 98.5% of what I did and said did not make the cut. Did I do that 1.5%? Sure, I did. That was real. The context wasn’t always explained or understood. Lots of ‘nice’ stuff was left out. But hey, that’s reality TV, and we all knew that going into it.
The story is what’s real
And that’s because the producers are looking to film a story that will attract viewers, ratings, and commercial success. They even choose characters for the story; the “villain”, for example, is an infamous MAFS character. This is how and why they choose us.
The editors then use that 1.5% of each of our footage to bring the story to audiences and the media. They’re not looking for perfect love and harmony because that doesn’t rate; arguments, dramas, slip-ups, scandals, and walk-outs do. And that puts a very negative spin on ‘reality TV’ (which we all felt a lot).
How ‘real’ is your life
Imagine if your life was filmed, and you got to do your own edit. You got to tell your story because that’s who you are – or perhaps that’s how you want to be seen. What would you leave out of your edit? What would you be afraid to leave in? How real would your edit be?
Well, that story exists, and that story is ‘you’ when you show up in the world, in front of others. That’s who people see when they see you; a highly considered, curated, and crafted story. All the stuff that makes you look good, because ‘looking good’ is the name of the game. That and not looking bad. And, if you’re honest with yourself, there’s a lot of bullshit going on.
Take off your mask!
“Take off your mask, it’s time to get real!” This is what I say to audiences in my Real YOU talk and workshops. Stop pretending, stop posing, and start showing up in life as you really are. The Real YOU.
The way I help people take off their mask is through feelings of laughter and joy and empathy and pathos. Because whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people. But the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself. Real YOU.
Stephen Fry reckons, “You are who you are when nobody’s watching”. And I reckon that’s a great place to start discovering and understanding your ‘real’.
